were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
