how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
