Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
