lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
