i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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