Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
