So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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