Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
