White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
