You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
