I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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