I'm jealous of your bromance
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
