For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
