Got a toothbrush?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
