I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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