1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
