i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
