goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
