Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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