Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
