I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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