Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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