Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
