; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
