Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
