Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
