i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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