dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
