Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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