Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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