ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
