OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
