Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
