Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
a search helicopter?!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
