it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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