I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
