It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
