Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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