my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
