i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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