he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
