shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
