How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
