I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
