the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I came so hard my ears popped.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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