so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
