So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
