He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
