Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
