maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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