Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
